I was about 10 years old, on a normal day after school when I randomly found myself having a conversation with my Grandfather, who at the time watched over me while my parents were at work. I remember constantly asking him about any of our family traditions and culture aspects that he thought was very important for us to cherish and live by as we got older. Besides the importance of living with the priority of "Faka'apa'apa" (meaning respect,) keeping God and family close and always taking schooling very deliberately, one concern I held close to my heart, was the value of celebrating the relevance of a "21st." Many may have different meanings of their own but I remember how much my Grandpa really respected this celebration as he expressed it as a "definition of modesty and womanhood." When my grandfather passed away in 2011, my heart never felt so shattered. He was my best friend and my everything! It was clear to me that his presence was not around anymore and I felt like giving up on everything in life. However, one day I found myself reminiscing about that particular day when me and my grandpa had that deep conversation. It was then when I realized that I must carry on the actions he wished upon his children, grandchildren and great grandchildren---with one of them being, the emphasis of a traditional Tongan 21st.
I remember all throughout high school and half of my college career, I would share this story with my friends and how much I looked forward to this day. As I finally turned 20, I recall always reminding my parents about how Grandpa would really want me to have a 21st--- not for the benefit of showing off to others but to honor the consequences I have devoted to myself as Tongan-American woman.
As it reached late July of this year and I was getting ready to head back home to prepare for this special day, I was devastated yet astonished that in 2 weeks, this dream I have waited for, was going to come true. The support I got from my family and friends is moments I will always treasure. From my Great Aunt Vai, our family's very own special dancer (who is known for her elegant moves and her stylish motions) who helped me prepare a tauolunga called Hala Kuo Papa for this occasion and also to my many cousins, aunts, uncles, and even college friends who traveled from all over the globe to help equip for this significant day. Their mass support and sleepless nights, showed the day of as the beauty of my celebration revealed all throughout the day.
If there are two moments I really enjoyed about this day, it would be the Kava Ceremony and the Key Give-Away presented by my dad, which was two major points that made me realize why this was so meaningful to my Grandpa. After the blessing was the Kava Ceremony and keep in mind this was my first time witnessing this essential occasion. This time, I was so pleased and amazed by this practice and I am very thankful that I come from a family who really knew what they were doing. My older cousin Kumi, had the honor of making my kava from scratch and one thing I remember was being so inspired by her work as she was reacting to the words coming from the mata'pule. The first kava cup was given to me and I recall it being so quiet but the applause by everyone was so heartwarming that I knew right there and then that my grandfather was looking down, smiling at me. Overall, the Kava Ceremony was a moment I will always remember, not only because its rare to have a part of a 21st but because my dad and brother got to participate in this action-- who are two important men in my life.
Speaking of my Dad, another exclusive moment I cherish till this very day was the Key Give-Away that was presented by him. The significance of a key is an essence of freedom and independence given by a father to his daughter on her 21st birthday celebration. During my father's speech, I was hesitated to keep the key as a way of showing my parents and the rest of my family that it is my turn to take care of them and that I am capable of staying true to my words and actions. However, I knew how important this was to my Dad and I perceived how no one in my life takes better care of me like he does and no matter how old I get, it is fundamentally critical to always listen to your elders especially, your parents. A
s much as I would love to incorporate Western Culture into my life, 1) that will NEVER happen, coming from my family and 2) staying loyal to my culture is something I take very genuinely. I appreciated the offer from my dad but I was happier when I gave back the key as I recognized the grace and honor it was to be his daughter.
Generally, this day truly demonstrated how influential this is to our Tongan ancestors but how much it reminded me of how vital this is to Tongan women. Nothing in my life felt so distinctive as much as it did this day and I am beyond thankful for our Father up above, my parents, family, close friends and of course my grandfather-- who all remind me to always stay prudent to myself and consistently honor and live by my cultural beliefs. This is a stage in life I will never forget and I am sanctified to be able to say that I lived this life experiencing a traditional Tongan 21st.